My life, My thoughts, My hideout place

Discovering myself all over again..

2008-09-13T14:44:00.002+08:00

I never knew that i enjoy reading.. But these few days i seems to have discover a different side of myself.. I am starting to like reading on a lazy afternoon, enjoying the silence and all by myself environment reading the books i have. It was enjoyable and at a certain point, there was a slight regret that i did not start this activity in my early years. There are so much that one can learn from books.

But i dun read fantasies or frictional stories, i love reading the lifes of people, to learn from people's experience and improve myself. Reading from people's experience and learning about what life brings often left me pondering about my life and reflecting on my actions and things i had done. I love the learning experience that comes along with the book. Interesting side of me i realise i like.

Maybe i had shut myself in a certain environment for too long for whatever the reason. Suddenly opening myself out to people and meeting various kind of people in all sorts of environment allow me to experience so much stuffs that i never but wish to experience ay some part of my life. The last tues and wed night had been very interesting for me, and another side of me that i discover.

I hope its not too late to start experience stuffs which could have been done earlier in my life. I love the experience.

The end of school life?

2008-05-06T03:25:00.002+08:00

Hmmmm... This has been my desktop background for my exam period every semester and today was my final year project presentation... not very smooth but i think its enough to get a pass i guess... But most importantly, the presentation marks the end of my NTU schooling life and what i can do now is to wait for the results to be out to confirm the end of my NTU schooling life.. Strangly, i dun feel a thing now even everything is over.. i feel numb and i dun feel any excitment or happy about it... at the same time, i dun feel sad or what so ever. I just dunno how i should feel right now at such a moment..

Meantime, i have to pack up all the stuffs in my room to prepare to move back home... My room is in such a mess now.. hai

Fragile life..

2008-04-28T23:15:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it cannot be help but to think how fragile life is and the meaning of life. The dreams of 'happily ever after' for me has been smashed at a really young age. I never believe much in it ever since my dad passed away when i was 5.

I recieve a msg that a friend pass away just today from cancer. I will not say i know her very well, she is a choir senior but somehow tears just managed to find its way out. All the memories of my aunt's just came back, the day when she passed away from cancer. The memories of my aunt, the look on my mum's face, the expression on everyone. The news is just too hard for me to bear. Everyone trying so hard to fight back the tears to try to arrange the funeral and whenever someone breaks down, the others will just break down as well.

I start to wonder how is her family coping? Is everyone around her ok? The painful feelings just come back to me and i really hope that her family is coping well with everything.

Management Thinking?!

2008-04-25T01:17:00.009+08:00

One more paper and a presentation is the only thing in my way to graduation! Hope everything goes well, i think i got some praying to do after exams. Anyway some interesting picture on managment thinking! Enjoy!

Spilled thoughts

2008-04-18T00:24:00.003+08:00

Once in a while, in the midst of my studying, my mind will just wander off my notes and go into deep thoughts. And this is one of them. I also thought of who are the people that made an impact on my life. Lots of people came into my life, some left, some stay on to become my best of friends. People go in and out of people's life. Some left an impact, taught you a certain life lesson and they leave you. Some stay on to share your joy and sorrows with you. Everytime someone leave a part of my life, i will start of think if there is a certain impact or lesson that is meant for me by this person that left? What have i learn?

I believe that some things do happen for a reason, it might be made known to you now or in the future and you might not even realise it. Perhaps i think too much, but i somewhat also thinks that people that leave your life is meant to teach a certain lesson to be learnt. Perhaps thinking this way makes me feel better, more in a positive manners towards things.

Sometimes, i try so hard to look for a certain answer to certain things in life that i just dun realise its happening right in front to me.

Oh ya, sometimes it is so amazing how comfortable you can feel with certain friends and how they can just be there anytime for you whenever you are in need. Even at 11pm at night! Just few weeks back when i feeling down, i drop a message to kevin and eugene at 11pm at night to ask them to go for a drink at 12am at a place near suntec and they will just be there just for me. Althought they live quite far and at such a wierd + last min timing. And it amazing that i feel so much better after drinking with them and how touched i am when they make such an effort for me. In fact, terzettos are such great friends whom i feel so comfortable with them and whenever i need them, they will be there for me. It has been more than 10 years and they are still so amazing. I cannot describle the feelings but they are just such marvellous friends.

Haha. its so silly of me. Suddenly i just feel so emo and feel like drinking again. But i got to go back to my notes. Lets hope my life continue to be eventful after graduation! Anyway for those having exams and want to relax a little, you can go and view this. Its an awareness test.

http://www.dothetest.co.uk/
How many passes did the team in white make?

Cheers!

WAR!

2008-04-11T20:52:00.004+08:00

Exams are next tuesday and there are wars everywhere..

My medicine is fighting a war against the flu and cough virus that invaded me for the past few days and its making me feel really really unwell.. i just hope i get well soon so that i can start to mug hard...

At the same very time, i got to fight the ZzZzzzZzzz Monster induced by my medicine to stay awake to finsh up my FYP report and to start studying soon!

Speaking of that, my first and second paper is next tuesday and thursday and i am rushing to submit my FYP report next monday. Desperately fighting against time to get it done and get down to studying..

Its so frustrating!

when i was young..

2008-03-07T03:03:00.003+08:00

when i was young, i remember when a lalang flew past me my primary school mate told me that its an angel that will bring message from me to anyone in heaven... in my primary school, there was a lot of lalangs that will just fly past you during lessons.. whenever i see one, i will just grab it and say things i wish to say to my father.. then i will release it and pray that this "angel" will being my message to my father.. those were the days.. if things were that simple..

ignorance is bliss

2008-02-11T23:36:00.000+08:00

I realise as people grow older their fear of death grew as they grow... when we were young, we were more daring in doing stuffs while right more, its harder.. perhaps ignorance is really bliss.. sometimes we know too much..

I used to love thrill rides but most of the time now i think twice before thinking it because i have seen reports on thrill rides turning into accidents..

i used to go all out when playing soccer but right now, seeing what kind of injuries could happen to me makes me think twice...

Perhaps i have seen too much and know too much that the fear of the risk each events have will just push me back... i dunno what will happen to people around me should something happen to me... Sometimes lying on the bed i will just think if i could wake up the next day alive... Perhaps if i not know so much and see so much.. life will be easier and more fun.. ignorance is bliss...

School has started.. my final semester

2008-01-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

Finally, the start of my final semester.. do not have any mood for anything and really dun feel like talking much in the morning until something happen.. sometime its simple stuffs that let you see what people are like.. when i say simple stuffs, its really simple stuffs like forming of teams for projects?

Everyone wants to be in the ideal team but lets be realistic, in this world there is no ideal.. everyone wants to be in the ideal team then who will give in? Why can't people just take a step back, give and take and do the best you can... I never like it when people are making effort to take step back and other party still insist on his way... spare a thought for the people around.. spare a thought for the ones that nobody wants..

The world in so simple but humans are so complicated..

Anyway, i am so tired out from all the sports i played in inter hall games.. but the only good thing is that all my good friends are playing along with me! And we managed to put up one of the best shows in IHG for hall 5 in recent years... we managed to get 2 sports in quarters and 2 sports in semis! Wow..

Life is unpredictable

2008-01-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

Life is so unpredictable... I just found out that MC king had passed away and he is only 40.. he looks so unhealthy and he is just gone just like that...

Life is so fragile.. I thought back about my aunt.. a year ago she was so healthy.. within months cancer reduces her to bones and brought about her death.. i begin feeling the pain all over again.. i thought back about how i felt.. how painful it was.. how sudden i felt.. how unpredictable life is...

sometimes i wonder.. when someone passed away.. how much is that person missed.. how much is that person remembered.. how is that person remembered.. how much is left behind.. how much regrets the people around holds..

I feel so scared... how will i be remembered? how much regrets will i hold in that situation? Will i be ready when it comes? What will happen to the people around me? Suddenly i just feel so sad and moody..

Life is so fragile...

Some weeks back...

2007-12-16T19:51:00.000+08:00

Some weeks back was the 100th day of my aunt's death.. i could not attend at all because i am having paper.. how i wish i was there... to stand up for the injustice my mum have to face... this thing has been bothering my mind... that slap might be too much but the reason behind the action is certainly reasonable..

my mum has been trying to hold the whole family with everything she had.. where were you all when your parents needed help? Do u all dare to day everytime ur family have trouble my mum did not go all out to help? where is ur appreciation? who are you all to judge her? Come on, my mum tried so hard to put everything together and this is what she get?

There are so much stuffs that you all dun understand at all. Do you all know what she sacrifice to help your family? You think that that action is not reasonable? want to hear my childhood? its filled with injustice. And now you want to do this to my mum? I will not allow it!

I am bursting soon...

2007-11-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

i feel judged.. i feel so trapped in a box that i am bursting soon.. i feel myself slipping deeper into depression.. nope, not the exams.. there is too much things within me.. so much things happening that i no longer know how to handle stuffs.. i dunno how to face everything anymore..

I just feel like putting a gun to my head but i will not pull the trigger.. i dun have the courage.. because my mum needs me.. i need to repay her first for all that she did..

FARK! I need to see a psychiatrist soon. Please, dun judge me as someone that is mad.. i am not.. i just need help to set things right..

Expectations.

2007-11-24T16:34:00.000+08:00

Expectations. Everyone has a certain expectations about certain stuffs and certain actions people should do.. and when these expectations is not met, people get disappointed.. i guess its part of life and i am quite tired from meeting people's expectation of what things should be.. and people will just judge from these expectations.. try asking, try talking, try to understand, try to put in people's shoe.. or maybe i am not talking enough.. haiz..

Perhaps its hard for me to open up my story. I have tried for so many years and not many people know of my past. Thats why i choose to blog, at least there is some place that i can throw out everything.

I just wish i can live in a less complicated world or have a less complicated mind.

Ignorance is bliss.

The calm before the storm....

2007-11-22T06:26:00.000+08:00

The calmness of the exam hall..

In less than 3 hrs.. the calmness will be gone...

I AM STRUGGLING!!!! HELP!!!!

Arghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-21T05:27:00.000+08:00

Exams..

2007-11-20T21:20:00.000+08:00

The previous few days have been torturing.. studying and nothing is going in.. lucky the paper in over but i got another killer paper to go thru.. i called my mum after my killer paper yesterday to complain abt stress and abt the paper is tough.. her voice is so comforting.. when she put the comfort across it just make everything feels so good.. i love my mum.. She never put any pressure on me to excel in my studies.. and she is always encouraging me and teaching me values in life.. she is such a marvellous mum.. bringing me and my brother up all by herself 20yrs ago.. she is one of the most amazing lady in the world!

anyway i was blog surfing and i came by this blog (http://mylittlenewhope.blogspot.com/). This lady is pregnent but his husband has an affair.. she is devastaed. and i guess she must be feeling really terrible.. the only constant is change... how things change so fast in this world.. how humans can change so fast.. scary.. anyway if possible drop by this blog.. drop some words of encouragement for her.. because at this point of time.. i guess she needs all the encourgament to pull thru all this..

ok.. time to study for the next killer paper!

EXAM STRESS!

2007-11-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

I HATE Exams! I hate the studying period! I hate the feeling of studying and yet nothing is going in! I hate it when nothing is going in and i have no time left! I hate the feeling of tiredness when i cannot get anything in! I hate Exams!

F-up!

LATE Birthday post!

2007-11-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

My birthday few days back! Wonderful time. Thank you terzetto for the celebration and thank you hall 5 guys for the celebration! thank you so much! simply love all of you all!

Photos from the terzetto celebration at Pit Stop Cafe!

Really glad to have this bunch of people as friends. Close to 10 years. They are marvellous bunch of friends. They will stand by you everytime without fail. Thank you so much for all this years. Really appreciate you all!

Thank you to the guys from 4th floor purple block too! Thank you for the celebration! You all have been great buddies! Thank you so much! and thanks for the present! love it!

some thoughts...

2007-11-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

We are all looking for answers. We all want to understand who we are and where we come from. Sometimes we want the answer so badly, we believe just about anything.

dreams..

2007-11-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

This video touches me.. a kiwi with a huge dream of flying.. going through all the trouble just to fulfill the dream of flying.. Having dreams is a big source of motivation, it is what make humans great.. 人因梦想而伟大...

Everyone is entitled to dream but not everyone has the privilege to purse their dreams.. I do have dreams that i want to fulfill but things are not that simple for everyone.. Dreams gave me motivation but this seems to be dying off..

So what if i have dreams when i know it cannot be fulfill.. Not everyone can fulfill their dream because of lots of circumstances. Every actions carry a responsibility, everyone has a responsibilty towards something or someone.. be it family or friends.. Sometimes this responsibility hinders you from fulfilling your dreams and it is of no choice..

there is just too much consideration with my dreams that i no longer dare to dream.. the thoughts of it make me feel worse.. I wonder how my mum feel when she gave up certain dreams because me and my brother was still young then.. it must be quite sad..

My blog is up again. I need help.

2007-11-05T04:14:00.000+08:00

My blog is up once again. I feel the need to blog, to let out everything that is inside me. My inner thoughts, the insecurity i am feeling, my feelings. I wish i can confide in a friend but everyone seems to be so busy so their own stuff that i just dun wish to bother anyone. I just hope for someone out there who can tell me my thoughts are wrong and wake me up. Or even encourage me from my thoughts. I feel i lost my set of beliefs that i dunno what is right and wrong anymore. What path should i seek. I hope for some answers for my deepest thoughts.

Nights

Suddenly just feel like blogging...

2007-01-02T05:12:00.000+08:00

Haha. i dunno why suddenly i just feel like blogging... perhaps because i know i have a lot of thoughts in me.. and yet i have no where to express it... and i know not much people will read this.. its kind of strange..

spend new year eve at cindy place getting havok and playing games... all of the sudden once it hit new year.. everything changes... a bunch of us just went to east coast 4am on new year day... everyone just think back on 2006 and start getting moody... i dunno how it comes... all the time our life we have been chasing a lot of things.. for no reasons... we dunno why.. we just keep chasing and chasing.. we dunno what we want... we live in self deception.. i wish i could be carefree... i wish i would ignore what people say... 2006 have been a tough year... 2007 will be tougher... thinking of the future frightens me.. it scare the shit out of me.. its so scary...

saw selena blog and saw a post about her worry abt holding the responsibilty of her dad.. i am worried abt the same thing.. worried abt the responsibility i will carry in future... its just so scary..

anyway just send kevin home... and we were talking abt how the choir people met... its so amazing.. so many things had happen... haha.. i simply love them so much...

Gathering with choir friends!

2006-09-17T18:10:00.000+08:00

Hasn;t blog for a real long time. seems to be lazier to blog and also busier as well. Anyway yesterday was our first terzetto prectice for this year christmas carolling. Althought not many attend but lucky i went cos i am really confused with the tenor and the bass part cos i sang both parts before. haha. identity crisis. anyway we all went out to celebrate kevin's birthday after that. it was really great. Hasn;t met them for a long time and yesterday get together was very fun. We drank 3 barrels of beer and we play all sort of games to entertain ourselves and also the highlight was helping kevin and derrick to get gal's number!! of course with our help they got it and they two paid for the drinks!! haha. They are such great and dear friends to me, always behind me whenever i need them and i feel bad not able to meet them for so long. sorry guys!

Anyway school is busy with all the hall involvements. But thats wat make uni life so exciting. All the hall involvements and new friends that u make, crazy things that u all do together. Haha. Crazy things like taking road hump back to ur own room at 6 am? sounds crazy right? haha.

This few days has this feeling that i am getting old. too old actually. dunno why also. just feel old. cannot believe that i am a year 3 already. time seems to pass so fast.before i know it i am graduating in 1 year plus liao. can i have the power to stop time? i dun wish to go out to work. studying years is so fun. from primary school all the way to uni. 18 years of studying and army and fun.. more responsibility and expectation is going to kick in.. haiz.. thinking abt it is just so bad enough... got to go study liao.. thats all for my updates.. bye!

school has began.. so has all the politics in hall...

2006-08-18T18:31:00.000+08:00

School has started for 2 weeks already and things already not looking really good... its suppose to be a simple hall life... but everything seems to be so confusing right now.. human to human relationship is so complicated... people stabbing each other... people putting a false smile when they see you... all the chee hongs starts to roam the girls room... haiz... disappointed...

betrayal... backstabbing... the dark side of hall life...

2006-07-18T02:19:00.000+08:00

Shifted to my new single room and everything was great... been not really in touch with hall stuffs during this holidays until i came back recently... lots of things has happen and lots of things hadd changed..

Looking back hall life is filled with nice memories and so much fun but there is also a dark side to it that was reminded to me by a friend that face betrayal from frens in hall... hall life at the start is also so wonderful... large group of people come together and form large clique of friends... as time passes on... people felt threaten in a way or another... strike and stab at each other... betray each other... so as time passes on... the large clique is only left a few of them... how sad... how disheartening... thats the dark side of hall life...

Trust is so hard to gained but yet so easily lost...

Revenge of Euro 2000

2006-07-10T05:59:00.000+08:00

Finally Italy beat France!!! Yohooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still remember Euro 2000 how Italy lose to france... i was heart broken that night... tonight i feel so happy for italy... THEY BEAT FRANCE AND WON THE WORLD CUP!!! My heart was beating very heavily thru out the penalty kicks and yes ITALY WON! SO EXCITED!! haha... buffon is such a World Class goalkeeper.. such great reflexes... Del piero finally got something that he deserved - A World Cup Medal!!! Oh ya... and zidane is stupid enough to get himself send off.... His last international tournament finals and he spoil it himself by head butting someone... how dumb can he get... anyway ITALY IS WORLD CHAMPION!!

Finally World cup is over... 30 days of soccer actions and no more late nights! My gf wun have o suffer with me anymore and so is my dog who consistently couldn't sleep whenever i watch soccer... anyway its over... been a really great world cup... Farewell Zidane and Oliver Kahn..

Anyway was back from thailand today... bought quite a number of stuffs for myself proudly sponsored by my mum.. haha... with a new acedemic year coming.. i got new shirts to wear... new stuffs bought for my hostel... how nice... the only sian thing is perhaps that i need to wash up all the new clothes tml... tiring tiring.... NIghts people! Congrats ITALY!!!!!!!!!!

just some thoughts...

2006-06-28T07:00:00.000+08:00

Couldn't sleep so running through some thoughts in my mine... most humans do not treasure what they have... always taking them for granted until they lost them.. most of us always tell ourselves that we should not be like that and should treasure what we have but we do not behave that way... this msg only seems to live for a few days before disappearing and reappearing again whenever things happen... why? i dun wanna be this way...

Perhaps the 'we' that i use refers to only me... which i refuse to admit to... i realise i am a coward that refuse to face facts and the short comings of myself at times... damn... nights people...

midst of waiting for laundry to be done...

2006-06-28T06:05:00.000+08:00

Realise i am getting lazier to blog... perhaps not much thoughts? nothing much recently except for world cup fever... been watching world cup almost everyday till morning and waking up in the afternoon... somehow i think my bio clock has be tuned to that of a german already! haha... my predicated world cup winning team just got knocked out by france! Holiday is so boring without jobs... been trying to fine jobs but really been very unsuccessful... sending resumes out and calling job agencies become my daily routine... perhaps the only happy one with my staying home is my dog... most of the time he is left alone in the house but i have been keeping him company so he will not be too bored... boring holiday right? yes... someone find me a temp job pls...

Think my laundry is going to be done soon... nights pple...

5 years and thats it....

2006-06-01T15:59:00.000+08:00

hey peeps, hasn't been updating my blog... so sorrry about it... exams has ended but holidays is not exactly here yet... have got EID project till 12 june.. its quite torturing... still cannot believe i can wake up at 8 every morning to attend the lessons when i overslept 80% of my lesson during the normal semester... hhaha...

anyway suppose to work for creative in PC Show today... but there was some unhappiness... told the person i quit in the face... althought another in-charge ask me to return but i think there is no point since things turn out this way... work for them since 2001 for most PC Show till now and if that is how they reat me then thats fine... i find no point in staying on... I know i will not return to work for them again once turn my back and head for the door... cannot believe he did that to me... damn...

now i got to look for other job lobang liao... any job lobangs peeps? pls let me know.., thanks...

a flopped....

2006-04-17T18:09:00.000+08:00

My fourth paper today.... My design paper was a flopped... still traumatised by the paper... only attempted 50+ marks... listen carefully, ATTEMPTED is the keyword... sounds bad? but uni paper dun seems to be for human to finish

Kindergarten - no test, no quiz, no exam...

Primary school - small time tests and exams... 91 marks for A*... all questions in paper could been completed far within time given and able to geth majority correct.... Studying 2 hour before a paper is possible...

Secondary school - test here and there and also exams.... 75 marks for A1... All the questions in paper could be answered within time... studying 1 or 2 days before paper is possible...

Junior College - common test and exams.... 75 marks for A.. Marjority of the questions can be answered within time.... studying 3-5 days before exam is possible...

University - Quiz here and there... 2 exam every year... 13 weeks per exam... Almost impossible to finish the whole paper... Have got to study weeks in advanced to pass it... to be above pass? attend all lectures and tutorial.... damn...

oh man... how much have i grow with the education system... so tiring every semester in university... every 13 weeks there is like A levels examination going on... oh my oh my....

somewhere within those books...

2006-04-13T21:50:00.002+08:00

Buried in those big piles of book...

its exam period and heavy mugging time!! Will be updating less often now... hee... anyway its the second day of examination today and i have finished with 3 papers!!! amazing feat that i achieved... but i am more or less dead... 3 papers in 2 days... and i am left with only a third of my brain cells.... everyone that is having examination --> Good Luck and All the Best!!!! Jiayou!!!

Resolving conflicts

2006-04-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

con·flict - A state of disharmony between incompatible or antithetical persons, ideas, or interests; a clash.

Misconception or myths of conflict

1. Many believe conflict if left alone resolves itself… which is rubbish because conflicts can never resolves itself when left alone… normally it will escalates and often becomes unbearable.

2. Most people fear confrontations because most THINK that it is nasty, hostile, personal and destructive… but the truth is conflict usually half resolved by identifying and defining the problem and reaching a agreement to resolve and manage…

3. Conflicts is a sign of low concern for someone… this is totally bullshit because emotional involvement indicate importance of a relationship and the truth is that it helps to clarify emotions and serves to identify underlying issues!

4. The cause of conflict is misunderstanding… this is not always the case because ‘problem’ is often understood but goals different and priorities dun jive..

5. Conflicts always avoidable….. perhaps our culture lead some of us to believe that conflict is unnatural, unproductive and should be eliminated from our relationship but that is NOT TRUE! Because conflict exist in virtually every relationship and it impossible to see eye to eye!

6. Last but not least… Conflicts can always be resolved but that is also NOT TRUE! Not all conflicts can be resolved and the effort is also dependant on desired relationship. It takes two hands to clap and so what if one is willing to resolve the conflict but the other party is not willing at all? Do you think it still can be resolve??!

There have been so much conflicts between people in hall and been hearing so much that makes me sad…. So I decide to take what I learn from managing and resolving conflict course here… anyway its quite disappointing… humans most often expects others to see what they see and hear what they hear… we tends to ASSUME what others thinks… and humans tends to assume all the bad things without asking the other party whats wrong… and there you goes… the conflicts worsen…

There are people in the hall that cherish relationship so much that they give in so much to make things better… but the receiving party just ignore those sign of goodwill to try to save this friendship… and worse, some even take advantage of these kindness… just what the hell are this people thinking? People that try so hard to make things better and there you are using sarcasm tone and words taking advantage of this kindness… why can’t people be more appreciative… take a step back, and take a good look… these could be your true friends that cherish you a lot and you will live to regret when you lose them… when things go wrong why dun you approach that someone and talk it out rather than going around and telling things or rather ASSUMPTIONS about them without clarifying? Are u better in any ways by doing that? perhaps I am not fit to say these but I am just a blogger penning my thoughts… sorry… just my 3cents worth.. anyway I am not mentioning anyone in particular here… if you think I am mentioning you, I am telling you… nope I am not… cos its just some of my thoughts

Got to go back to my books… take care people and study hard for exams!! Jiayou!!

a lost friendship...

2006-04-02T18:45:00.000+08:00

sorry peeps, hasn't been updating my blog once again cos exams are nearing... fine, its a excuse... i am plain lazy... haha. Been lazing around quite a lot, trying to study but the concentration dun seems to be there... i know the date to my first paper is nearing... dun worry, i will try harder...

anyway i was reading thru my old entries and looking at all the comments and i thought of a friend... its kind of wierd... he is not a old friend, but not a new friend... a friend that i wish to cherish a lot that distants with me over time.... when i first met him i still remember that i sense a beautiful friendship on its way... it did... the wonderful memories of things we did together.. the fun that we had... but sadly, perhaps its what i done... we begin to distant and even saying hi is wierd to me... by mid semester 1 of my 2nd year... we distant so far apart and i cannot seems to find a reason... i always blame myself for it although i dunno why we distant and i can only make asummptions... this is a friendship i wish to rekindle a lot cos to me he is a true friend... a friend that connect with me so well.... a friend that constantly remind me that i need to study soon cos exam is near... a friend that cares for me so much... and yet i lost him... this is one of my deepest regret so far... cos i lost a true friend, a special friend...... a friendship that i fail to save... and no longer can be save....

Haiz. life goes on.... gonna get back to my books.... for those having exams - good luck! all the best and JIAYOU!!!!

A Special Night....

2006-03-10T04:01:00.000+08:00

The candles lit up brightly and burned strongly, just like our love for each other. The coconut and pine trees together with the sand stood round the candles giving their blessings. The wind bless us silently keeping the candles burning. The stars peeped over the coconut trees and the waves crushed up the shore trying to rush up with their blessing for us. Tonight is a special night delicated to you...

disappointment...

2006-03-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

hmmm... sometimes when things are expected to be this way and when things dun turn out right you get disappointed... i must admit this has been one of the greatest diappointment i had in my life... i would love to have it... peopl have been telling me that i would be getting it... and when things dun turn out the way people tell you... the huge expectations turn into huge disappointment... it sucks... perhaps i shouldn't have expect it at all...

at least i can be happy with some other things like i am attached... ya... for certain people i am sorry for disappointment and i hope u can give me ur blessing... thanks and sorry...

张震岳 - 勇气

2006-02-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

歌曲：勇气
歌手：张震岳

需要一点勇气
来对你说对不起
他一直在你的心中
我还爱上你
知道这样不行
偏偏继续下去
怎么会有结果
是我想太多
没有方向看不清楚在徘徊
我知道我一定走不开
漫长的路寂寞的夜
在心里面哭泣的夜
你明白吗
只想在你的身边
我没有勇气没有力气
真的无法离你而去
你明白吗
只想在你的身边你身边说爱你

需要一点勇气
来面对现在的心情
也许时间依旧
很快就忘记
知道这样不行
偏偏继续下去
怎么会有结果
是我想太多
没有方向看不清楚在徘徊
我知道我一定走不开
漫长的路寂寞的夜
在心里面哭泣的夜
你明白吗
只想在你的身边
我没有勇气没有力气
真的无法离你而去
你明白吗
只想在你的身边
漫长的路寂寞的夜
在心里面哭泣的夜
你明白吗
只想在你的身边
我没有勇气没有力气
真的无法离你而去
你明白吗
只想在你的身边
你的身边说爱你。。。。

P.S: Thank you those that left ur comments.. thank you for all your care and concern.... means a lot to me... thank you...

Such is life...

2006-02-17T02:18:00.000+08:00

Had some thoughts for the day... perhaps i am thinking too much... perhaps i am too tired... we spend our whole life being affected by people's thinking... we behaved according to what people think althought we dun think that way... there is no right or wrong... something is right because majority of the people thinks that it is and something is wrong because majority of the people think it is wrong.. so who are we living for? Pratically we spend our life following the majority that thinks in a certain way... and we are just following blindly...

how to live a life with legacy? if i die someday... who will remember me? how will i be remembered? what am i remembered for? i dunno...

nights people...

Happy Valentine's day....

2006-02-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps, first of all... happy V day to all... hasn't update my blog for quite some time... hmmm... i think my life is still very much in a mess... i am always so lost in so many things... not knowing what to do abt things and dropping into depressed mood now and then... sometimes i just feel god has been playing a joke on me... am i some kind of joke he created to entertain him? So much things running thru my mind... facing the gossip of people in hall... the eyes that judge you in hall... facing people in hall is still as tiring... yup... my life is still pretty much screwed up.. thank you...

Anyway something touches me today... and i think i ought to blog about this and also this friend i would like to thank a lot... i was walking with this guy friend in school today and ya, there are lots of stalls selling soft toys and flowers... somehow i saw this eeyore i like, ya its the one selena's friend got... so i commented its cute and nice. Then i ask this guy friend of mine saying if i buy it will be quite gay right then without hesitation he said yes, very. I thought so too then we walked off... he went to buy a bear for a girlfriend then he told me he is going to the toilet so i waited for him at the canteen and he came back with the eeyore... and i thought he is getting for another close friend of his.... after our tutorial i told him i will stay in school first cos i still have lesson so he went back hall first... i went to lecture theatre to meet a another friend, guowen. Suddenly guowen went out of the theatre and came back with a eeyore for me. Yup, its from that guy friend... i was touched by this... he was always there when i needed someone to talk to... no matter how busy or how tired he is, he will still talk to me... a true friend indeed... And i would like to take this opportunity to thank him for everything... thank you robin!

a wierd relax night of thoughts...

2006-01-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

its kind of wierd tonight cos cheerleading is officially over last night and there is no more training... kind of feel uncomfortable thru out the body cos there is no longer cheerleading at night to fill my night activities... i kind of miss eveything... yesterday night before i went to sleep i was thinking thru all the moves in cheerleading and gather a lot of thoughts... its just so amazing... i want to retain that feeling but i know that can only be part of my memory... i will not get that feelings back again...

The hard work, injuries and late night was paid off... there was no fail stunts or whatsoever... everything went so smoothly... it was great... the crowd, the atmosphere, the people in cheerleading... a scene i never forget for life... the excitment when everything was completed so beautifully... the sound of the cheering crowds... i remembered i was close to tears when we completed everything... i cannot believe all the hard work had paid off in such beautiful manner and the atmosphere and the looks of all the hall 5 cheerleaders.... i felt tears of joy... althought we did not win nor get into top 3 but its very well done... all our efforts did not go to waste...

THANK YOU SO MUCH HALL 5 CHEERLEADERS! Its the most beautiful memory that will live in my heart and my mind... even my memories of bowling last time cannot replace it... U all made it! Its great doing cheerleading with you all... the fun, joy, injuries and the hard work... I LOVE YOU ALL!

anyway something worth mentioning... a guy was performing stunts and dislocated his arm halfway thru and yet he pushes on doing stunts and put his arm back while performing... he pushes on despite the injuries... Thats the spirit... the determination and not wanting to disappoint... for that i SALUTE him for whoever he may be for his determination and courage...

anyway will upload more pics of cheerleading soon... haha... did i mention i colour my hair red and silver for cheerleading? haha..

what should i do.....

2006-01-11T02:04:00.000+08:00

sorry for the previous post... kind of upset but feel better... been too tired lately and not really doing well emotionally... anyway cheerleading is still going on and ya... that means burning of weekends and public holidays for the performance on 18th jan which is next wed... and the cold weather is making my knee going weak... there is always sharp pain at my knee when the weather turns cold and its really affecting me... just pray that it wun crumble soon... haha...

anyway these few days have been thinking thru... i dunno if i should stay in hall or should i change a hall or should i move hall... i love hall life... i like to stay in hall but there is something lacking from it... something that i am looking for in hall life... just cannot seems to find it... which is the bond between people just like the choir frens i had in tk choir.... i cannot find it and i dunno why... perhaps its me... its kind of disappointing cos i am scare of being alone... i hate to eat meal alone... hate to go lecture alone... i just hate being alone... i have to carry my ipod around so that the songs can accompany me and i must listen to songs when i sleep so that i dun feel that i am alone... wierd u might say but thats me... yup... i dunnno if changing halls will change things but moving back home might make things better... i dunnno also... i am confused... what should i do?
perhaps i should learn to be alone and learn to accept things... accept that humans are selfish by nature... accept that humans make use of each other... i try not to accept these thinkings but it seems to be this way... at least most of the people are these way except for a few that really help me a lot in hall...

i am wierd plus living in a world of complicated human relations... maybe i think too much sometimes... maybe its just me... maybe i should go rest... nights peeps...

questions...

2006-01-07T20:06:00.000+08:00

sorry people... just let me express myself freely this time.....

why the fuck everytime things start to get better another disapointment comes in?! It just make everything worse everytime this happens..

why do i feel so many fucking disappointment? what the fuck am i fucking expecting? fuck myself... i hate myself this way...

why the fuck am i contributing so much when i can just fuck off and enjoy time with myself? and worst some dun even fucking bother...

what the fuck am i trying to prove with everything done during the holidays?!

why the fuck do i even bother to help with things when i know there are some people who wun even fucking help me when i am in need?

why the fuck i bother to do things for people when some people dun even fucking appreciate things i do?!

why the fuck am i doing so much?!

i am so fucking tired... tired of myself, tired of facing people, tired of hall, tired of every fuck shit... i dun wanna go home, i dun wanna stay in hall either.. where the fuck can i be?!

whatever... i need some fucking answer before i go bersek....

Looking back....

2006-01-04T00:56:00.000+08:00

Happy new year pple! Kind of late... but well... at least i bother... its never too late! Well, didn't really go anyway... just hanging around with choir frens on the eve.. have a simple dinner and watch fireworks at marina square... anyway its the first day of school today.. nothing much... cheerleading still keeping me busy... anyway i met a new fren! His name is OBI... a black guy from Manchester University but lives in london... a arsenal fan he claim.. hahaha... so i will be watching man utd vs arsenal later with him!

Ever since 2006 arrive i have been looking back at 2005... thinking thru a lot of stuffs... Year 2005 hasn't been a really good yr for me... A lot of frustration in me and a lot of disappointment... Friends leaving me and meeting new friends as well... I thought i know how pple think but i am wrong... i can never know how pple think and feel... Maybe that causes the disappointment... cos i kept expecting things to be a certain way when it dun it just disappoint me... i thought some frens could be my fren for life but i am wrong... anyway new frens enter my life and gave me some comfort... yr 2005 made me realise a lot of things... in the whoole year... i become closer to some worthy frens that support me thru a lot of things... and allow me to see thru some that gave me on me... its not their fault... i know i am in the wrong... but i did try to make things better but they still gave up on me... i am sorry to these frens... they did the right thing perhaps... at least i know no matter what happen there will be some worthy frens behind me althought they might be leaving NTU soon or not in NTU... still some comforting words will be a call away... learn some stuffs this yr... my mum always ask me dun help pple cos i dun bear to see them suffer or out of pity or anything... cos if one day i need help... these pple will not help me out of pity... perhaps i should have heed her advice on certain occasion... some frens are really worth helping cos end of the end they give everything to help you and they really appreciate you... but some really disappoint me... helping them thru tough times dun mean anything to them also... and worst i dun even get appreciated... and i really hate that... to the core... so much things has change in a year... sometimes i just hate to see things changes... perhaps more of pple attitude towards me changes... yet i am not given a chance to explain... people just assume it to be this way...

Anyway year 2005 hasn't really been a very good year for me... one of the worst i hate... i just hope that this year will be a much better one for me... i want to be happy.. impossible for everyday to be happy but at least half of the year ba... I just want to be like myself in JC times.... where i got not much worries... Be like myself in secondary times.. where i made so much true frens and had so much fren... anyway to all... Happy new Year once again... hope you all have a great year ahead... :)

Oh ya and hope man utd win arsenal later! haha... it will be a good start for new year for me! hee....

Last day of 2005 - The end of IHG

2005-12-31T13:18:00.000+08:00

31st of Dec 2005... the last day of 2005... Its also the end of IHG for me... The polo team just lost in the quarters... its a game we should have thrash them but somehow we lost... hard luck.. Its a very very good experience for me... the whole IH experience is so amazing...

I somewhat feel supporters form part of the team... the cheering inspire the team on and offer some kind of encouragement... especially if ur close frens and love ones are there supporting you... I always feel that the supporters are very important people and i dun deny that i do feel disappointed when there is not much supporters for a game... I love the cheering voices cheering the team on... it insipire and pushes you on... I somewhat also hope that my mum will be cheering me on for a game that i play in... cos she never had time to do that at all... the number on the back of my jersey is my mum's birth date... she might not be here but i know she will always behind me.. ha... anyway thank you supporters! Thanks for all the cheering! You all are great!

Looking back at all the IH games i see... a lot of scenes would just flash past my mind... The determined look on the faces of players pushing on despite their tired body... the fighting spirit of teams... the cheering and happy looks on the players' faces with every victory... the strong bonds when supporters cheering their team on in the rain... its so amazing...

The whole IHG experience is a tiring but a very fulfilling one... i really wish to fight on for another season of IHG next yr.... trying to see if i can change my Industria Attachmen to the 2nd Sem. I want to represent the hall once again and fight it out with the others and win something for myself and the hall. Most importantly... for the beautiful memories and games... Hopefully i get what i want and next yr will be a better year peeps.

What i am left with is cheerleading now... anyway thanks everyone who has help me during this busy period... guiding me thru games that i dunno and tolerating me... well done fivers, we have played hard and fought hard... tomorrow will be 2006 liao... that means school is starting soon as well... A new sem and we work hard together fivers! Jiayou ba..

A summary of games i play...

Soccer: Its a great joy playing with everyone in the team. although we did not make it to the quarters but i think we put up a great fight for both games. I know if we keep the team, we will be the better team next yr. Nope, no way i will be going to hall 8. haha. i will stay and fight with the rest. Thank you all the soccer guys!

Sepak Takraw: We did well enough to get into the quarters. Althought we lost in the quarters bt we have done well enough to get this far and we even almost won the defending champions. Well done takraw guys... remember we are the first team to enter the quarters! haha. We will be better next yr! Thank you takraw guys!

Hockey: Perhaps this is the only sport that leave a bitter taste in my mouth cos i think i could have done better... but nevermind... although we did not get into the quarters but i believe we have a good team with good players around... We put up a good fight! Thanks everyone!

Rugby: I kind of like this game and also wanted to try this out. Love the hard tackling challenges of the games. Size does not matter for this game i realise... yes, its true! a small size guy and also take down a big size guy! As promised by the captain rugby to the newbies will be a memoriable experience and i got what he mean... the hard tackling and people crushing on top of you... the tearing of shirts... high speed tackling of people... its a amazing game and i wanna try it again.. haha... No quarters for us but well, we fought hard and give the hall a good run and a good fight. Well done people! Remember, we are the guys with the balls and guts to play this game!

Water polo: This is one game that will shag my legs out during training. I remember when i first went down for training the amount of trapping water that u need to do... its the most tiring keeper position ba... haha... We had a good team and good players.. could have advance to the semis easily but we lost out in the quarters to a weaker team... but its over.. we have trained hard and thanks to those that had guide me and familiarise me for this game... it s a goof experience that i wish to have again! Thank you polo guys!

I will be back

2005-12-29T11:59:00.000+08:00

There has been stuffs happening and quite a bit of internal struggle within myself over ssome stuffs that i dun really feel comfortable blogging here. So much frustration because i cannot let it out. I cannot find someone that i can talk about everything. Cos no one really understand what i am thinking except for one such person but i dun really want to trouble her at all. Its kinda frustrating when there is so much things trapped inside you yet there is no outlet. All of the sudden i felt so sian of eveything, just feel like moving back home. But i know that its unlikely it will happen. Perhaps i am just tired and exhausted. I know i will be fine as time passes... i will be back stronger and tougher...

认输

2005-12-28T18:32:00.000+08:00

歌曲：认输

歌手：张震岳专辑：等我有一天

长越大原来单纯的快乐
已不再我们身边很久
为什么匆匆忙忙的出门
回到家面对电视发呆
不管下雨太阳
早就不会感动
盲目的在奔跑
累了也不知道
再多喝几杯酒
以为就是解脱
那答案是什么
原来自己不聪明
原来什么都没有
原来应该了解的道理
现在才知道
原来输给了时间
原来输给了自己
原来错在不承认失败
谁可以原谅我...

i shouldn't have kick the ball...

2005-12-27T14:22:00.000+08:00

I always believe that goalkeepers need to make many saves to win the game and it take only just one mistake to cost the game. Today, i did that. I made a mistake that costs the game. People were screaming at me not to kick the ball... why did i even kick it... Its a mistake on my part... or else hall 5 hockey could have been in quarters or even advanced to the finals... I saw the disappointment on everybody face when the final whistle is blown... i saw how guy A face sank when the final whistle is blown... its a major dissappointment for everyone... people expect the team to do well... i felt the disappointment for those in their final years of studies... its their final IHG... and my mistake cost everything... they only wanted to win something for the hall, for themselves... i couldn't help them... i know, i shouldn't have kicked the ball... sorry guys...

Perhaps perhaps perhaps

2005-12-24T00:32:00.000+08:00

Perhaps i just want to be appreciated, who doesn't like to be appreciated for things they do and the effort they put in...

Perhaps i just want to be heard by the rest so that i wun feel so lonely, perhaps i am this way because of my childhood...

Perhaps i just want to do my best, i just to win something for the hall and myself, prove to the others we are not as weak as people thinks...

Perhaps i am not trying hard enough or perhaps thats the best i can do or perhaps i am trying too hard to prove myself...

Perhaps i am too tired and think too much about certain things that will never be true...

Perhaps heaven is playing a big trick on me and perhaps all this happens to make me a stronger person...

It has been a tiring month so far getting myself invlove in so much stuffs... A packed day would includes one training in the morning, one in the afternoon, rushing to caroling then coming back hall for cheerleading... its seriously draining my energy off myself and i am really tired... shagged from all trainings and games... and sometimes people around just make it worst... but things are getting better now... No more soccer and we did not even get to the quarters... No more sepak takraw ever since we crashed out of the quarters final.... and with one more caroling session left tommorrow, i am only left with rugby, water polo and hockey... i want to do my best in the rest of these sports so that i have no regrets...

It might be a tiring month but i think i have learned quite a lot. I have seen a lot these few weeks... commitment of people... the fighting spirit of players... the fairplay of teams... all the good sides and the ugly sides of things... all this make me learn... i guess its time i toned down... i think i have been making too much unneccessary comments and actions that will get me into trouble someday... i should learn to keep quiet and learn to tolerate... learn to control my emotions instead of emotions getting the better of me and affect my game...

Everytime before i play a game a song will start playing in my head... the same song that my bowling coach use to inspire everyone before A division bowling back in JC times... this song to me is very inspiring and very motivating... this song inspire me to what i acheive in bowling back then... its just so amazing... this song is for all the sportspersons and players of hall 5... believe in urself... This song is the theme song of olympics atlanta 96 by Gloria Estefan...

some dreams
live on in time forever
those dreams,
you want with all your heart
and i'll do whatever it takes
follow through with the promise i made
put it all on the line
what i hoped for at last would be mine
if i could reach, higher
just for one moment touch the sky
from that one moment in my life
i'm gonna be stronger
know that i've tried my very best
i'd put my spirit to the test
if i could reach
some days
are meant to be remembered
those days
we rise above the stars
so i'll go the distance this time
seeing more the higher i climb
that the more i believe
all the more that this dream will be mine
if i could reach, higher
just for one moment touch the sky
from that one moment in my life
i'm gonna be stronger
knowing that i've tried my very best
i'd put my spirit to the test
if i could reach
if i could reach, higher
just for one moment touch the sky
that one moment in my life
i'm gonna be stronger
i'm gonna be so much stronger
yes i am
i put my spirit to the test
if i could reach,
if i could, if i could
if i could reach
reach, i'd reach, i'd reach
i'd reach, i'd reach so
much higher

Does it inspire you as much as it does to me? I hope it does... All the best FIVERS!!

P.S: anyway results is out and how glad i am.... i managed to pass everything... 2 B- 2B 1B+ 1C and 1C+... Yipee! I shall work harder next sem...

Mayday! 五月天!

2005-12-12T02:32:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... hasn't update my blog for some days. been involved in too much stuff recently. ISG bowling, IHG soccer, sepak, water polo, hockey and rugby. Oh ya... and cheerleading as well hahaha... and on top of all this i am having carolling with my own choir as well... people ask me why i join so much but i just wanna try out everything before i got no more chance next yr when i am having IA and stuffs. Anyway has been disappointed with a lot of stuffs. Is it that i expect too much from things? Disappointed with a few people around me... close ones and not so close ones. One such disappointment is how much some IH(inter hall) players talk about winning and yet show no commitment and effort to go down for the training... no matter how tired i am i will still go down for training no matter what and there are people who are unable to put in this kind of effort. So disappointing....

Anyway, went to Mayday 五月天 concert yesterday. It was so amazing! Imagine the whole concert hall of people standing up once mayday enters the stage. All standing dacing and swaying to their songs all the way to 12 midnight. This is how amazing they are. Had a marvellous night at the concert. Their songs are so meaningful... their songs accompany me thru my JC years till now and whenever i am sad or happy i will listen to their songs and their lyrics reflect so much on life. every song they sang on stage just reminded me on the different stages of my life... But too bad they did not song one of my favorite song so i shall post the lyrics here cos i think its very meaningful. And they are certainly the best band in the world!

五月天 - 明白

Lyricist/詞: 阿信 Composer/曲: 阿信 Arranger/編曲: 五月天

老地方相見
如果你發現你還有留戀
就像你不願丟棄的相片　
你心中的我還隱隱約約
枯坐在窗前　
有一個刻滿諾言的明天
愛上一個人即使他不再出現　
也不願拋棄最後的情緣
縱然是世界遼闊　
外面的精采好多
給你的愛那麼多那麼濃　
你還是不懂
我矛盾的心　
不願反覆的猜　
希望你能明白
我在這裡等待　
就算天塌下來　
希望你能明白

Taken from http://www.givemi5.com/lyrics02.php?03

A busy holiday ahead!

2005-12-02T01:07:00.000+08:00

Exams are finally over! And have been busy enjoying myself thats why hasn't been blogging for some time. haha. Been doing a lot of things lately. Went to gallery hotel to view rooms that eugene had designed in the competition but yet to get the photos from him or else can show all of you how good he is... perhaps next time when i get from him ba... Anyway finally i get to play bowling league!!! i have been wanting to join bowling league but not enough pple and now i finally got my chance! But this is going to be a really busy holiay from inter-hall games, inter school games, Orientation comm meeting, bowling league and my choir carolling.... and today guess what... a new addition... cheerleading!! Not sure if i am able to commit yet cos i will be working as a invilgilator as well during the holidays... But i thinks this is going to be the most fulfilling holiday ever! Never load pictures before... so i will be testing it out.. ha...

One of Eugene design at gallery Hotel. The rest yet to get from him

For pple who hasn't seen me for some time. The one on the left was my first attempt and the one on the right is my second attempt. haha.

so tired of everything....

2005-11-18T19:54:00.000+08:00

another paper today and yes, its another bad paper. this sem hasn't been really good. been trying to study so hard but yet doing badly for my papers. I thought i was fine with it but i just realise i am not. called cindy and kaopei a bit and suddenly a gush of sadness just got into me. perhaps its a close friend that i am talking to and getting to complain things out. Kaopei-ing to people and close friends are so different. Close friends' voices are ever so comforting. The only two friends i would confide in cos of their ever comforting voices are eugene and cindy. Its just so comforting to hear their voices when i am down. With eugene not in ntu and cindy going home, i suddenly feel so lonely and with so many setbacks in my paper, i just broke down totally. I dunno whats the reason behing it also, perhaps i was stressed? perhaps there was too many setbacks?

Suddenly i miss their comforting voices yet i dun wanna call and affect them. Feel like calling my mum and yet i dun wanna to add on to her worries. As much as i want independence, sometimes i just wanna be a young kid hiding in my mum's ever comforting shelter. Perhaps it just make me feel the love and care that i have from my mum. I suddenly miss my mum a lot. At this very moment i just feel like hiding in her warm, comforting shelter...... with her protecting me from everything......

A stressful life...

2005-11-16T01:23:00.000+08:00

Life is really tough during exams period and leading such a sad life... today just had a paper which i only attempted like 30 plus marks only?! Yes, its that bad. Hate the feeling of studying everyday for the exams and yet coming out of the exam hall not knowing if i pass a not... its not a good feeling... i cannot imagine how am like going to pull through the next few years... struggling with every exams... sick with studying.... if only time can stop and give me a break here....

anyway thanks to the people that help me celebrate my birthday... thanks for the present... thanks to these people which i call my friends that has been around me pushing me the extra mile during the exams... Thank you for so much and so much! I am touched... oh ya... and thanks for cleaning my puke for me... haha... anyway i hold the timing for downing a bottle of red wine in 42 secs and the next birthday boy/gal get ready... u are suppose to drink below 42 secs.. haha...

when birthday and a paper meets....

2005-11-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

Yes, it happens again... my birthday and a exam paper right smack at each other. This time a maths paper... it was not a tough paper... but just couldn't finish it... all the integration almost drove me nuts... anyway thanks to everyone who send their birthday wishes... thanks alot!! Yup. she called. Glad to know she is fine and nice to hear her voice again... i remembered my last year birthday... a great surprise and perhaps one of my best birthday during that time... its a great memory... hope gives u so much and take so much away from you...

anyway just wanted a quiet birthday... just want to keep it low... dunno why.. perhaps it becasue of all those that happens... anyway a special mention of a friend here... dearest cindy.... a great friend of mine for like 7 yrs? or was it 8? nvm... she made me a card, a card that touches my heart and made me teared... this card means a lot to me... she help me a lot during those tough times... and i know she will be there whenever i need friend by my side...

Got to mug more for my next paper liao... good luck for those having exams! all the best!!!!!!!!

the battle begins...

2005-11-06T03:48:00.000+08:00

The battle has begun with the first paper the friday that just passed... this was supposed to be the paper i am confident in but it ended up quite bad... lots of concept confusing me... dun even know if i could pass... hopefully i can pass it and get over and done with it! Been mugging daily at the grauate lounge and going hyper with crazy acts and stupid moves. Perhaps i am sad... the graduate lounge... kept having memories flashing in my mind.... nice and beautiful memories i had but wished to forget... being hyper keep all those sadness away from me... kept me from thinking too much whenever my mind drifts off... sorry to those who had to endure all these... haha. sorry for bring weak... if only our brain works like the computer where we can stored memories and info and we can delete whenever shit that we dun want....

Can guys cry? i am a emotional person... crying is just another emotions of humans... it certainly make one feel better to cry out... at least it works for me... sometimes i would just take a step back and look at myself... start thinking of all the stuffs... my dad.. my life... and i start tearing... it make me feel better... but it make me feel so weak... i hate feeling weak... perhaps i am weak... i want to be strong... but how? perhaps someday i will be... at least i will be trying...

been a tiring week... it time for sleep and prepare for another day of mugging... its a sad life in this fast pace world where even the walking paces of people is so fast.... nights people...

Thoughts and update...

2005-10-29T22:34:00.000+08:00

Exams are nearing and its like next week... lots of studying more to go and certainly lesser sleeps... been a tiring week filled with thermodynmics, mechanics of materials and stuffs.... hopefully this will be a better semester than the last...

I guess i am stressed up, having a lot of thoughts lately... a month ago i watch this movie 'goal' and i was actually teared during the movie. There was this soccer guy who pursed his soccer career with disagreement from his father. Running away from home all the way to England to purse his dream... He got what he wants except acceptance from his father... his father dead from a heart attack and the father actually went to a pub to watch one of his son's game. The son only knew after he dead and his father was actually proud of him... it was so touching... I teared not because of the scene... sometimes i wonder whenever i achieve something, i wonder if my dad saw it... sometimes just hoping that he will be here to see what i had achieved... to share my joy with me... to celebrate with me... to be proud of me... thats all i ever wanted and i know i will never get... i really miss my dad... is he watching me? is he proud of me? answers that will never be answered.... i really miss you dad....

A fresh start....

2005-10-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hi peeps, decide its time for a fresh start... Entering a new chapter of my life still trying to put the past behind... So a new blog to start a new chapter of my life... Feel free to leave any comments...